Wyniki konkursu!

Nie było łatwo, oj nie. Ale trzeba było w końcu podjąć decyzję i wybrać najlepszy żart i zdecydować, do kogo trafią nagrody: zestaw dwóch powieści do nauki angielskiego wydawnictwa Edgard.

Przypomnę tylko, że konkurs polegał na przesłaniu najlepszego, najśmieszniejszego dowcipu, który trafi w mój gust i mnie rozśmieszy.

Kilka dowcipów było super, inne mniej super, niektórych nie zrozumiałam wcale, a inne wcale mnie nie śmieszyły. Listę przesłanych dowcipów zamieszczam na koniec, możecie sobie poczytać i się pośmiać (albo nie).

Ale ten jeden jedyny okazał się najlepszy! Ten jeden jedyny trafił w mój, jak nie raz słyszałam, spaczony gust :) Jak wspomniałam, lubię gry słowne, uwielbiam suchary, i im głupszy dowcip, tym lepiej. Dlatego zwycięzcą został dowcip:

I went to the zoo the other day. There was only one dog in it - it was a shitzu. 

Hahaha :D Shitzu, padłam! :D Zwyciężczyni gratuluję, mam nadzieję, że książki się przydadzą :) Pozostałe zgłoszenia znajdziecie poniżej, enjoy! :)

• Mother: "Did you enjoy your first day at school?" 
  Girl: "First day? Do you mean I have to go back tomorrow? 
  
  
• My friend was cold, so I told her to stand in a corner.
  
  
• A husband and wife have four sons. The oldest three are tall with red hair and light skin while the youngest son is short with black hair and dark eyes. The father was on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me: Is our youngest son my child?" The wife replied, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your son." With that, the husband passed away.  The wife muttered: "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three." 
  
  
• Customer: Waiter, you've got your thumb in my soup.
  Waiter: That's all right, sir. It's not hot.
  
  
• What do you get when you cross a frog and a pig? A lifetime ban from the Muppet Show studio.
• 
  
• John: Did you hear about Bill?
  
• James: No. What happened to him?


John: He feel down dead outside the pub this morning.


James: Going in, or coming out?


John: He was going in.


James: Oh, what bad luck! 
• 
  
• John Smith couldn’t sleep, so his doctor gave him some sleeping pills. He took a pill that night.  
• He felt well when he woke up, and he went to work cheerfully.


I slept very well last night – he told his boss.


That’s good – his boss said – but where were you yesterday? 


• “Boo – hoo! Boo hoo!” cried little Bobby.
  “What’s the matter dear?” asked his mother
   “Boo – hoo! A picture fell on Daddy’s toes”
  “Well, that’s too bad, but you needn’t cry about it”
  “I didn’t. I laughed. Boo – hoo!”

• I asked my grandma if she had ever tried 69. She said, "No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw in one night."

• What is the longest word in the English language?  "Smiles". Because there is a mile between its first and last letters! 

• A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you." The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves. "What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"  Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"  The boy licked his cone and replied:   "Because the day I take the dollar the game is over! 

• Four chinese, Chu, Bu, Fu and Su, decided to emigrate to the USA. In order to get a visa, they had to adapt their names to American standards. Chu became Chuck, Bu became Buck. Fu and his sister Su decided to stay in China. 

• A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.   He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.   While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants s*x, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll k*ll us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

• A guy said to God: "God, is it true that to you a billion years is like a second?" God said yes. The guy said, "God, is it true that to you a billion dollars is like a penny?" God said yes. The guy said, "God, can I have a penny?" God said, "Sure, just a second."

• A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says: "Five beers, please!"